I am issuing you a warning.  You may not know who you actually are.  That is right.  Everything you believed about yourself can be wiped out in an instant!  This happened to me.  It took years in the making, but then a single DNA test rocked my world.  So before you spit in that plastic tube and send it off for testing, ask yourself if you are really ready.  This is my story.

If you come from a large, vintage, Catholic family where children were welcomed after every wedding anniversary or winter blizzard, you have very few baby pictures.  I have exactly three.  This lack of visual history can get the mind thinking weird thoughts.  Also, in my day, and before Dr. Phil, parents thought it was wise to keep family secrets.  More than half of the juicy, secret events that happened in my family went down right under my own nose!  I cannot decide if my parents were super sly, or if they never talked out loud, or if I just did not pay attention because I actually played outside. But there were for sure some secrets. This story gets better.

Now listen to this.  I am the seventh of eight kids.  Common sense tells me that I was pleasantly unplanned.  My mom and dad had a herd of six kids and then FIVE years later – I come?  Surprise! My parents denied it but my oldest sister confirmed it.  She said the family was just about to get a camper – and then I came along.  Yes, I am the kid who put the damper on the camper!  A heavy burden to carry.  My youngest sister is thus planned – she was to be my playmate.  Only I was born with suspicious timing.

The next oddity.  Out of the eight children, I am the ONLY one with blue eyes and blonde hair.  I look at my family and they appear like dark, Croatian, strangers to me.  My sisters look like triplets, and I look like I came from the mailman.  Granted, that mailman must have been a total hotty – blonde, built, strong, handsome face – but he is still the mailman!  He did not care about me.  I never once got mail!

And then there is the garbage can theory.  Yes, at some point in time, I think I was five, my brothers noticed that I indeed looked different.  So the very first time little Micki got in their way – the horror story of my existence was hurled at me.  “We found you in the garbage can!”  What???  “That’s right! You are the only one with blonde hair and blue eyes!  Mom and Dad felt sorry for you!”  Poor little Micki cried and cried.  Big Micki never really recovered.  In the back of my head, I was different.

So to recap, I have very few baby pictures, I was unplanned, I came at an odd time, I look different, and alternative theories of my birth surfaced when I was five.  The perfect polar vortex.

So, a week ago, I get a strange text from my cousin.  We both independently took the 23andme DNA test several years apart.  My cousin tells me that he just got his results and that our DNA concluded that he and I were half siblings.  I KNEW IT!!!!!  I was not found in a garbage can!  I do the victory dance!……..But….Gulp….Who the hell am I?????  I temporarily lose my mind!

Long story short, I googled “DNA testing.”  First cousins and half siblings are often mistaken based on percentages.

Conclusion. My mom is my mom, my dad is my dad, I ruined getting the family camper, and my awful, wonderful siblings are indeed mine!  All is right in my world except for my over-zealous imagination that developed while I was playing outside and while my parents discussed the family secrets.  Ha!

Is there a pearl in this story?

 

Photo by Bharathi Kannan on Unsplash