Can you keep a secret?  I mean, really keep a secret?  I ask because the pearl I am about to give you only works when you are in stealth mode.  You must want it.  Really want it.  Want it enough to protect this pearl.  If this pearl gets revealed – it no longer works.  And when that happens, it is a loss.  A big loss.  I know because I had it, and lost it.  My giddiness of owning this pearl led to its demise.

This pearl is a strategy to get what you want.  REPEAT.  This pearl is a strategy to get what you want.  Did I get your eyes to open just a bit wider in anticipation?  Or are you a skeptic, giving me the stink eye?  Just hear me out.  This pearl, when used on children, is a wonderful parenting strategy.  However, this pearl, when used on adults (especially your spouse) can come off as manipulation.  So, you must to use extreme discretion.  That is where I fell a little short.

Power struggles are a challenge when raising children.  Children want control.  Little humans, like the big humans, do not always like to be told what to do.  This pearl strategy is to give children two choices in which both outcomes are desirable.  For example.  You tell little Susie that it is time to go to bed – she throws a fit.  You ask Susie if she wants to read Doctor Seuss or Goodnight Moon in bed – she will skip to slumber with the book of her desire.  In the second scenario, Susie has the illusion of control.  Being able to make just a simple choice in her world is all she needs to be happy.  Jimmy, do you want an apple or string cheese for a snack?  Pete, do you want to pick up your toys before or after lunch?  You get the picture.

Using this strategy on adults is a bit more risky.  It works, but I recommend that you use it sparingly.  This perfect parenting strategy can come off as a ruse as the subject gets older.  In my euphoria of “getting what I want” with my very young boys, I used the strategy one too many times on my husband.  He exploded the night I asked if he wanted to load the dishwasher or give the kids a bath – right after I asked him if he wanted to take the dog out or wash the table.  My mild-mannered husband turned into Ralph Kramden in one split second!  He declared that he was not a three year old, and to cool it on the “this or that” crap!  To the moon, Micki – is where I was told to go!

My husband was right.  I got greedy.  I got too big for my britches.  I did not protect my strategy.  I used it willy-nilly and I got exposed.  I was young then.  I am much wiser now.  All humor aside, this pearl probably should stay a parenting strategy.  As I get older, getting what I want is not “fun” if I have to be sneaky and manipulative.  In fact, getting what I want is not even what I want anymore!

As I mature I realize the real pearl is not to get what you want, but to get what you need!  Agree?